


I Scream, You Scream

by flightlessnerds



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Best Friends, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Scars, Self-Harm, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlessnerds/pseuds/flightlessnerds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been well over a year since Josh had last seen Tyler without a hoodie or a long-sleeved shirt in public. He had grown comfortable enough to let his scars show around Josh and some of their other close friends, but only ever in private, and certainly never somewhere with as many people as the ice cream stand.</p><p>In which Tyler is nervous to let his scars show in public, but Josh is by his side the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Scream, You Scream

**Author's Note:**

> TW for slightly graphic descriptions of past self-harm. This may be triggering for those with heavy scarring, but this story is for us ♥
> 
> Russian Translation: [[x](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4609618)]

**Tyjo:** It's national ice cream day

 **Jish:** :o

 **Jish:** I'm on my way 

_______________

 

The sun was just starting to set when Josh's car pulled up in front of Tyler's house, painting his neighborhood a bright pink. It was one of those hot early-summer evenings in Columbus, a little too sticky to be comfortable, but too beautiful to stay inside. 

Josh didn't bother turning off the engine, knowing that Tyler would have watched him arrive from his bedroom window. Sure enough, seconds later, his best friend was jogging across his front lawn and opening the car door to climb inside. 

"So, ice cream?" said Josh, in lieu of a greeting. 

"Yup," said Tyler.

Something about him seemed off, Josh thought. He was used to Tyler's mood being somewhat unpredictable, but he seemed even more on edge than usual tonight. 

"Everything alright, Ty?" Josh prodded, hesitating to hit the gas pedal until he was sure that Tyler was okay. 

Tyler nodded, but drew his legs up and hugged his arms tightly against his chest. 

And then Josh noticed what was different. 

Tyler was wearing short sleeves. 

It had been well over a year since Josh had last seen Tyler without a hoodie or a long-sleeved shirt in public. He had grown comfortable enough to let his scars show around Josh and some of their other close friends, but only ever in private, and certainly never somewhere with as many people as the ice cream stand. Tyler was already anxious enough on a daily basis, and Josh knew that the stares of strangers when they caught sight of Tyler's arms could only make things worse. And yet, here he was in the passenger seat of Josh's car, about to go into public in a short-sleeved floral button down. 

Tyler seemed to notice Josh's eyes on him. 

"I should change," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. 

"No," Josh murmured gently. The last thing he wanted was for Tyler to think that Josh had a problem with him letting a little skin show. Besides, Josh was already sweating under his tank top and snap back. Tyler would just be suffering in long sleeves.

"No," he repeated. "It's humid as heck, and that shirt is cute." 

Tyler blushed slightly, and kept looking at his lap. He seemed paralyzed between changing and braving the inevitable stares, and his conflicted expression broke Josh's heart. As much as he wanted Tyler to be comfortable showing his limbs in the warmer weather, he didn't want to force him to do anything that he wasn't ready for. 

"Besides," Josh conceded, "I have a hoodie in the back seat. If it gets to be too much, we can grab it for you to wear. Okay?" He smiled reassuringly at the other boy. 

"Okay," Tyler whispered, seeming grateful for the compromise. "Let's go." 

Josh's smiled gently, and shifted back into drive. 

As they made their way downtown, Josh couldn't help but feel a surge of protectiveness on behalf of his best friend. He hated that people assumed they knew something about Tyler as soon as they saw his scars. Even Josh - who had been there to pluck razors out out of Tyler's hands as they cried together on the bathroom floor, and who had sat with him in the ER on that one terrifying night when Tyler had frantically called him and told him he might have gone too deep - even then, Josh knew that there was so much more to Tyler than the marks on his arms, and that those other things were so much more important. He wasn't just a depressed kid with scars. He was a brilliant musician, and a prolific writer. He was unbelievably creative, and athletic, and funny as hell. 

And even though he'd never know it, he was probably the love of Josh's life. 

If people had to reduce Tyler to anything, he wished it could be that. He wished that the reason people stared at Tyler could be because Josh was holding his hand. 

Personally, he didn't care how many people stared at them, but he knew that the unwanted attention made Tyler uncomfortable. It wasn't like his cuts were fresh; in fact, as far as Josh could tell, there hadn't been any fresh ones for a long time. But the bumps and ridges - especially the thick ones along the tops of Tyler's arms - still hadn't faded to white, and they stood out from his skin in patterns far too orderly to be mistaken for accidental. Josh knew that Tyler's friends and family had accepted the scars as a part of him, and for the most part, they had shown him unwavering support - no one more so than Josh. But even the most well meaning strangers tended to let their gazes linger too long, and then there were the kids who would just outright stare, or the occasional judgmental adult who Josh had seen sending critical or even disgusted looks in Tyler's direction. 

Given how angry those encounters made Josh, he couldn't even imagine how they must affect Tyler. Certainly enough to make him feel like he needed to hide his arms every time he left the house. 

"I just didn't want to wear long sleeves all summer," Tyler blurted out suddenly, fidgeting in his seat, and breaking Josh's reverie.

He nodded gently, wanting to say something, but lost for words.

"And... um." Tyler fiddled with his hands, almost as if he were trying to tug down on sleeves that weren't there. His mumbling was barely audible, and Josh had to strain to listen. "I'm like... six months clean this week. So. Yeah." 

Josh pulled the car over. 

"What are you doing?" Tyler asked, sounding anxious. 

Josh just unbuckled his seatbelt, and silently leaned over to wrap his arms tightly around Tyler. 

He felt Tyler huff out a breath as he pressed his face into Josh's neck. 

"It's not that big of a deal," he mumbled against the skin. 

"Shut up, Tyler, it is," Josh insisted, keeping a firm grip around his frame. He breathed in the smell of Tyler's shampoo, and thought about how incredibly glad he was that Tyler was alive. 

Leaning down, he pressed a chaste kiss to the side of Tyler's forehead, and felt the other boy's cheeks grow slightly warm before Josh finally pulled away.

They'd always been like this - overly affectionate and touchy, especially for platonic friends. It earned them an occasional eye roll from their other friends and siblings, but Tyler had never seemed to mind Josh's constant need to provide him with physical comfort, so he never stopped doing it. And although a part of Josh always wished that it could be more than just platonic affection, he pushed those thoughts away as best he could when they were together. His first priority was to be a good friend to Tyler.

Nevertheless, as they pulled back onto the road and resumed their drive, Josh found himself desperately wanting to reach out and lay a hand on Tyler's knee, or link their fingers together - anything to maintain contact.

He resisted.

 _One thing at a time,_ Josh told himself. 

When they pulled into the dirt parking lot of the ice cream shop, Josh could see that it was crawling with people. He didn't miss Tyler's intake of breath at the number of customers milling around the group of picnic tables, likely making it impossible for the two of them to maintain any privacy. 

"Hey Ty, we don't have to do this," said Josh, circling the lot slowly. "We could go to the one in New Albany, it'll be less crowded." 

Tyler took a shaky breath, but shook his head. "It's fine."

Josh found a parking space, and gave Tyler a reassuring half-smile before climbing out of the car and heading towards the ice cream line. 

As they waited in silence, Josh let his mind wander to a universe - or a future - in which it would be the simplest thing in the world for him to reach out and hold Tyler's hand. He let his eyes drift over to the other boy, and saw that he had turned his arms in at an awkward angle and clamped them against his sides, hiding the worst of the scarring. But he hadn't asked for the hoodie, and Josh figured that as long as Tyler was still breathing steadily - albeit a little quicker than normal - they were okay. 

He gently placed a hand on the top of Tyler's back for a few seconds, and he felt the other boy's heart rate slow down a little. However, as they got closer and closer to the window, Josh could see his jaw tensing up, and hear his breaths getting dangerously shallow. 

"Do you want me to order for both of us?" he asked, leaning down to speak into Tyler's ear. 

"No," said Tyler, succinctly and resolutely, but unclenching his teeth nonetheless. 

Finally, they made it up to the window, where a blonde girl about their age was leaning on the counter, pen poised over an order pad. 

"Hi," said Josh. "Uh, I'm going to have a small cookie dough in a dish, and..." he looked to Tyler.

"Um. I'll have a small chocolate cone with rainbow sprinkles," Tyler said, with more confidence than Josh had been expecting. "And we're paying together," Tyler added, pulling out his wallet, and ignoring Josh's sounds of protest. He pulled out a few bills and reached over to hand them to the girl at the window, who, after an initial glance, seemed to be trying very hard to look anywhere other than Tyler's outstretched arm.

Josh saw him fidget slightly, but otherwise, Tyler took his change as if nothing were amiss. 

They found an empty table on the outskirts of the grassy picnic area, and ate in relative silence. Josh was glad to see that Tyler had given up trying to hide his forearms, and instead was absently humming a Death Cab song as he twirled his spoon around in his ice cream. 

"'Tiny Vessels'?" Josh guessed.

"Hm?" said Tyler, snapping his head up, and then smiling. "Oh. Yeah."

Josh was struck with the feeling that this summer might be alright after all. High School was almost over, Tyler was clean, life was good. 

And then, as if sent by some unknown force purely to ruin Josh's fantasy, a little boy at the table next to them turned to his father, and pointed straight at Tyler. 

"Papa, what happened to his arms?"

There wasn't any malice in the question, of course - it was just a loudmouthed kid, and the father shushed him right away, muttering an apology to Tyler. But it was enough. 

Tyler took off before Josh could even find the words to stop him, chucking the rest of his ice cream into the trash bin as he raced for the car, with Josh in close pursuit. 

The passenger seat was empty when Josh threw open the car door, and he had a brief moment of panic, thinking that Tyler had somehow run off without him seeing. But then he heard a tiny whimper from the backseat, and looked around the headrest to see Tyler huddled against the door, wrapped in Josh's spare hoodie. It was a size too big for him, and he had pulled the hood up and buried his head in his knees, so that all Josh could see of him was a shock of fluffy brown hair poking out from the opening. 

Josh dropped his ice cream into the cup holder and launched himself over the console and into the back, in far too much of a hurry to bother with doors. Tyler had folded his arms in between his chest and his knees, and he was curled up into such a tight and tiny ball that all Josh could do was rub soothing circles on his back. 

Somehow, there wasn't anything to say.

But there was this: Josh stroking the hair off of Tyler's forehead, and Tyler turning his head to rest sideways against his knees so that Josh could wipe his tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

There was this: Tyler finally unfolding himself, and shifting to rest his head on Josh's chest as they leaned back together against the seat; Josh curling his arm around the back of Tyler's neck to brush his knuckles gently across his cheek. 

And there was this: Tyler tilting his head to look up at Josh with grateful and pleading eyes, and any anxiety about ruining their friendship, any kind of restraint, any attempt to uphold his platonic front, flying out of Josh's mind all at once. 

Slowly, so slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips against Tyler's. 

Everything other than Tyler's mouth immediately became unimportant; the only thing Josh knew was how Tyler's lips - still slightly cold from the ice cream - felt under his. The kiss was impossibly soft and slow, and for a moment, Josh wondered if Tyler might be frozen from shock. But then - _Jesus_ \- he was parting his lips and _moaning_ gently against Josh's mouth, and the kiss was deepening. 

Tyler swung around to straddle Josh and press their chests together. There was nothing sexual about the gesture, just a need to be closer, closer, closer. And yet, none of this felt urgent; it was evening, and it was summer, and Josh was kissing his best friend in the world, and he would gladly stay in the back seat of this car forever if he had to.

He pulled back only when he felt a single tear roll down Tyler's cheek, which he immediately kissed away. Josh was struck with a rush of hatred toward every member of the society who made it impossible for the boy in front of him to be comfortable in public. 

"I'm going to study... um... textile engineering in college," Josh babbled, feeling on the verge of tears himself, "and invent an air conditioned hoodie for you to wear everywhere. And on the front it will say 'don't be a dick or Josh will punch you,' and I can have one that says 'I'm Josh,' with like a skull and crossbones on it."

"Josh."

"Or we can get matching tattoo sleeves! I'm not even joking, I've always wanted one of those. Or I could get a sleeve, and you could do a bunch of smaller ones to draw attention -"

_"Josh."_

He shut his mouth. 

"I'm in love with you." 

_Oh._

Tyler said it like he'd just discovered the cure for cancer, and Josh felt like every nerve in his body was lighting on fire. He pulled Tyler back down into a bone crushing embrace, slotting their lips together again.

"Aren't you supposed to say it back or something?" Tyler mumbled through the kiss, the corners of his lips quirking up against Josh's. 

"Ty, if you don't freaking know how I've felt about you for the last billion years..." 

"Say it anyway," Tyler whispered. 

Josh pressed a hand lightly to the back of Tyler's neck, drawing him down until their cheeks were pressed together. He felt a chill run through him as Tyler's warm breath tickled his neck. 

"I love you so much, Tyler," he breathed into his ear, before drawing back to press his lips against Tyler's again. 

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed, stopping only when Josh's long-since melted ice cream was threatening to make a mess in the front seat. And when eventually they forced themselves to drive home, Josh reached over without a second thought, and finally - _finally_ \- held Tyler's hand. He didn't plan on letting go any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> It was National Ice Cream Day on Sunday, and I'm a sappy fucker.


End file.
